As I Lay Dying
by Vampgirl9690
Summary: Elena Gilbert has an amazing life. What happens when everything she knows falls apart with one little word? Disclaimer: I DO NOT OWN THE VAMPIRE DIARIES NOR THEIR CHARACTERS. The story however is of my creation.
1. Intro

_**A/N Hey guys! And welcome to my new story As I Lay Dying! I hope you enjoy it and if you have not read my other story For The Love of The Devil pop on over to my page when you have a chance and read it! I hope you enjoy this story as much as I enjoy writing it! Please don't be afraid to leave a review letting me know how you feel about the story. I see all criticism as constructive. Let me know if you liked it and why, also if you didn't and why. I would appreciate it greatly! And now enough of my idle prattle. Please enjoy As I Lay Dying!**_

When I was a Little girl, I always thought I would grow up, fall in love, grow old, and eventually as nature took its course, I would die.

I was supposed to have a life filled with decisions.

What to wear to my winter formal, who to go to Prom with.

What I wanted to be when I grew up.

Where I wanted to live.

Who to fall in love with.

Who I was going to marry.

They say death is the final journey.

At 18 years old, I wasn't ready to make that journey.

I wasn't ready to die.


	2. Chapter 1

_**Chapter 1**_

_**"The News"**_

Elena Gilbert opened her chocolate brown eyes to the morning light streaming through her open curtains. Her body ached all over. It felt as if she had been run over. By a mack truck. Again, and again. And again.

She slowly sat up, wincing at the flash of pain that wracked her small frame. Swinging her long legs over the side of her bed, she gingerly set her feet on the floor. She let out a sigh.

Today was the day. She was off to the doctor's office for her test results. Her Aunt had insisted she see a doctor after she had hit her hip on the counter three weeks ago and the angry purple bruising wouldn't fade.

Stretching as she stood, Elena walked to her closet and picked out a simple outfit of her favorite pair of faded jeans and a maroon cami. She dressed quickly and made her way downstairs for some of the delicious breakfast she smelled wafting up the stairs to her bedroom.

"Morning Elena." Jeremy said smiling at her from his seat at the counter.

"Hey Jer." She smiled back.

Her Aunt Jenna smiled somewhat strenuously as she set a plate down in front of her niece filled with eggs, bacon, and toast.

"Thanks Jenna" Elena said sitting down next to her brother.

"We're leaving in twenty minutes. You're appointment with Doctor Fell is at 9:30." Jenna told her before turning towards the sink. She didn't want to scare her niece, but she was very worried.

"Ok, I'll Be ready" Elena said digging into her plate.

As she ate Elena chatted with her brother about school to keep her mind off things.

"So how's history?" She asked knowing what his response would be. Jeremy rolled his eyes.

"I like Mr. Saltzman, really I do, but I just cant seem to understand the subject he teaches." He explained.

"Jeremy it's ok if you don't understand it, just ask for help." She said placing her hand on his.

"It's not that easy." He mumbled under his breath.

"Why not?" Elena asked.

"It's complicated." He said avoiding eye contact completely.

Elena understood.

"Jeremy, no one is going to pick on you if you ask for help. And who cares if they do? Huh? No one would care because at least you were doing what you needed to do for a passing grade." Elena told him. Jenna popped her head through the doorway.

"You ready Elena? It's time to go."

Elena nodded her consent, set her dish in the sink and headed for the car.

* * *

When they got to the hospital Elena couldn't seem to sit still. No amount of pacing though, could relieve her mounting anxiety.

"Elena sit down" Jenna said for the millionth time.

"I can't" She responded in return.

"You'll be fine," Jenna reassured her " I bet you just broke a vessel and that's why it won't go away."

"Elena Gilbert?" The receptionist called her name.

Elena swallowed hard before nodding her head yes.

"Doctor Fell will be right with you, so I'll have you wait in exam room number five okay?" She asked flashing a kind smile.

Jenna answered for her.

"That's fine. How long do you think it will be before Doctor Fell will be in?"

"I'd say between five and fifteen minutes." The nurse answered kindly.

Elena sat in the chair quietly staring at the diagrams depicting different parts of the human anatomy. After what felt like an eternity, but in fact was only a few minutes, they heard a light knock at the door before Doctor Meredith Fell stepped through.

Elena sat up a little straighter.

"Hi Elena. How are you feeling this morning?" She asked as she took a seat directly across from her young patient.

"I'm ok" Elena answered in a small voice.

"Good. Now your test results have come back, but before we get into them I'd like to take one more look at your hip."

Elena nodded before lifting the hem of her camisole.

The bruise was as angry as ever.

Doctor Fell set the shirt back into place and sat down again grabbing her clipboard.

"Now Elena" She said "These are all preliminary results so please keep that in mind."

"Doctor Fell, please just tell me."

The doctor looked at her papers one last time.

"I'm so sorry Elena," She began "You have stage four Juvenile Leukemia"

Jenna tensed.

Elena just blinked.

"Stage four…? What does that mean?" She asked, confusion written across her beautiful features.

Doctor Fell looked at her for a moment before letting a single word fall from her lips. A single word that crushed Elena's whole world in one second flat.

"Terminal."


	3. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

_**"The Choice"**_

Oh. My. God.

I'm going to die.

Die…

Death…

Dead…

Gone…..

I'm going to die!

Elena's mind reeled at the onslaught of vicious thoughts that attacked her already stressed mind.

"I'm going to die?" Elena's thoughts finally burst from her paralyzed mouth.

"Unfortunately… yes Elena." Doctor Fell said somberly.

"Unfortunately?! That's all you have to say to the eighteen year old you just told is going to DIE?" Elena screamed hurtling to her feet.

"I don't accept this! Run your tests again." She demanded.

"Elena… there are no more tests to run. You have leukemia… you have cancer.." Doctor Fell spoke softly.

"What about chemotherapy?" Elena asked grasping at straws.

"We can try but I can't guarantee you any results." The Doctor conceded.

"When can I start?" Elena asked.

"Elena the therapy were going to try is very new. It's just been approved it's the strongest drug available to date. Let me repeat though, I cannot say that it will cure you. I can't stress this enough Elena. It may or may not, it might buy you a little more time or it may buy you a lot." Doctor Fell stressed.

Elena thought about it for a moment.

Then;

"Will it hurt?" She asked in a small voice.

Meredith's eyes softened.

"I'm not going to paint a picture of roses and daffodils for you Elena. It's going to hurt. They are going to put a shunt in your chest where the chemo will be pumped into your body. It will burn and it will hurt."

Elena's eyes grew wide.

"Will I lose my hair?" She asked gently stroking her beautifully long chestnut locks.

Meredith sighed.

"Again Elena, I won't lie to you. It's a very real possibility."

Sadness washed over Elena. She loved her hair. Her mother used to brush it when she was scared to calm her during a storm as she sang to her. Sometimes when she felt lonely or the ache in her chest grew unbearable, she would sit and run a brush through her hair with her eyes closed and imagine it was her mother.

"Elena the choice is yours. With the insurance you have you will have all but a small portion of it covered."

"If I don't do it…. How long…" Elena began to say but couldn't finish the sentence. It couldn't get passed the lump the size of a gulf ball lodged in her throat.

Meredith understood.

"I'd say a little over eight months if the cancer progresses at the same steady rate it seems to be at."

"Eight months?" Jenna jumped in. "Why didn't we catch this sooner?" She demanded.

Meredith shook her head.

"This cancer is sneaky. You're lucky we caught it at all." She answered sincerely.

Elena looked at Doctor Fell.

"I want to do it,"

"Just remember Elena…"

"No I want to do it…. When can I start?" Elena interrupted.

Meredith sighed but looked at the computer.

"We can have you in to surgery to place the shunt this Friday and we can begin therapy the following Friday." Doctor Fell told Elena before writing it down in her note pad.

"Why wait a week?" Elena asked confused.

"It gives the shunt area a chance to heal before we begin therapy." Meredith explained to her young patient.

"Oh" was Elena's only response.

"Elena this isn't going to be a walk in the park. This will hurt and it will hurt for a while." Meredith repeated.

Elena nodded her head to show she understood the doctor's words.

"Do you still want to do this?" She asked for the final time.

Elena looked her in the eye.

"I don't want to die." She answered in a small voice.

"I know Elena, I know."

"Yes I want to do this Doctor Fell." Elena answered the doctor's question.

"Ok then, lets do this."

"Let's do this."


	4. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

**_"Five Years Later"_**

The atmosphere in the Mystic Grill was, to say the least, dull. No one was at the pool tables racking up for a break. A handful of the elderly were in the dining area waiting to be served by their waiter. No patrons, save one, were at the bar. Damon sat on the bar stool and swirled the remainders of his bourbon around in his glass, playing with it but not really enjoying its flavor. Life had become boring. What do you do when you are as successful as he was? When money was never an issue and you could get by on good looks anyway?

He sighed and took another small sip and replaced the glass on the counter, signaling for another refill. The pretty blonde bartender hurried over with a smile.

"Another bourbon sir?" She asked politely.

Damon nodded a tad coldly. He was over women for a while. Katherine had seen to that when she had left him standing humiliated at the alter the weekend before. Ten minutes before she was supposed to walk down the isle in a gown made of white, while the organ played the bridal march, to join him in vows of ever lasting love and devotion. She sent a note to tell him that it wasn't what she wanted.

He wasn't what she wanted.

So he watched as she drove away in the car he had bought her, to be with her yoga instructor of seven weeks. Damon slammed his fist into the bar earning him a few glares from the dining area. Damn it! He had paid for those sessions. Katherine had begged to join the class so she could look 'radiant' and 'glowing' on their wedding day. What a fool he'd been.

The blonde returned bringing with her his preferred choice of poison. He nodded his thanks as she laid down a fresh napkin and placed his drink upon it. With a wary glance in his direction she turned and headed to the group of rowdy young men that had arrived.

"Caroline! What's the drink special?" One of the crowd called.

"Tyler I think you've had enough where did you guys come from?" She answered sternly.

"My house duh!" He exclaimed drunkenly.

"Well you're not drinking here!" She said before escaping through the kitchen doors.

Tyler muttered slurred words of discontent but made no move to follow. Probably a good move on his part, Damon thought. Though now that he thought about it, he was in just the right mood for a good ol' bar brawl.

The kitchen doors opened again before Damon got a chance to make his way to the drunken college boys.

"Tyler what would your mother say?" The stunning brunette girl said with hands on her hips.

"'Lena who cares?" The boy called Tyler said stupidly.

"I'll tell you one person who will care. Your father." And with that the girl pulled out her cell phone and began to dial. Tyler stood there in stunned silence as his drunken brain worked furiously to figure out what was happening. Finally it clicked.

"You're calling my dad?" He asked slowly.

"Yup."

"'Lena hang up the phone"

"It's ringing"

"'Lena hang up the phone!"

"Not a chance Lockwood you need to go home and obviously you're too drunk to get yourself there. So I'm calling you a ride." She continued to hold the phone up to her ear.

"Who the fuck do you think you are?" He screamed.

With an animalistic roar Tyler threw himself at the petite figure, tackling her to the hardwood floor with an audible crunch. Damon was on them in a flash. Pulling the drunken football linebacker off the tiny girl, Damon slammed him into the nearest object, a decorative support beam near the pool tables.

"Who are you?" Tyler asked as he tried to break free of Damon's headlock.

"I'm your worst fucking nightmare." He answered.

"Dude let me go." Tyler fought to break the hold on his head.

"Not a chance. If I ever see you lay another hand on a girl EVER, I'll break you into such tiny pieces and no one will ever find you. Got it?" Damon threatened menacingly.

Tyler tried again to break Damon's hold, to no avail, and finally agreed.

Damon threw him to the floor and kneeled down next to the girl.

"Are you alright there, sweetheart?" He asked taking her hand and helping her to her feet.

"Yeah just a little dizzy. I think I hit my head." She said putting her hand out to catch herself. Damon's arm snaked around her waist and he swung her up into his arms.

"I'm ok really." She protested.

"You might have a concussion, come on I have my bag in the car." Damon wouldn't take no for an answer. The girl finally agreed to let him look her over. He probed he back of her head gently 'til he found the knot he knew would be there. She hadn't hit the floor lightly.

"Ouch." She hissed as he pressed on it.

"Yea I thought so." He chuckled. He took out his flashlight and ran it across her pupils a few times.

"Well" He said finally "You don't seem to be suffering from any life threatening illnesses, and no concussion." He said with a smile. The girl flushed in embarrassment, and looked at the pavement.

"Thank you." She said barely above a whisper.

"You can thank me by not pissing off a guy that size again, and by going to dinner with me. I don't usually interfere in things like that." He said with a smirk.

The girl looked at him confused.

"Then why did you?" She asked.

Damon took a moment to think about it.

"Beats the hell out of me."

"Well thank you…?" The girl looked at him.

"Damon, Damon Salvatore at your service." He gave a flourished mock bow.

"Well Damon thank you for saving me. Tyler has a bit of a temper and I guess I just pushed it too far tonight." She said hugging herself against the chill of the night.

Damon shrugged out of his jacket and placed it on her shoulders.

She smiled at him through the dark.

_Dude what are you doing? _The devil on his right shoulder asked him, _I thought you had sworn off all women?_

Damon stopped and thought about it. He didn't know what he was doing but he knew he would have done it all over again.

"I didn't quite catch your name before." He said as he walked her back towards the Grill.

"It's Elena… Elena Gilbert." She said reaching out to shake his hand. "At your service." She repeated his line back to him with a mock courtesy.

"'til tomorrow Elena Gilbert." He said before kissing her hand and heading towards his car.

His headlights flashed and he was gone before Elena remembered she was wearing his jacket.

'_Til tomorrow Damon Salvatore._


	5. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4**

_**"The Date"**_

Elena sat at her dressing table and stared at her reflection. She had been dressed and ready for the past fifteen minutes but she couldn't seem to move herself from the stool. What was she doing? How could she do this to him?

_It was only dinner though right?_ She argued to herself.

Elena grabbed her phone from her purse and dialed the one person she trusted and confided in.

"Elena what's wrong?" The strong voice on the other end filled her ear.

"I just needed to talk for a moment, I'm, I'm going on a date." She stammered.

"That's good. It's a step in the right direction. It's acceptance. Moving on. It's _good_ Elena." The voice on the other end encouraged.

"I know… but it feels… wrong…. Like… like I'm _condemning _him or something." She answered.

"Elena, you have a life to live. So… live it. If he likes you enough and he's worth keeping, he wont care."

Elena took a deep breath and let it out slowly.

"Thanks Stefan, you always seem to know what to say to make me feel better." Elena said with a smile.

"That's what you pay me for"

Elena could hear the smile in his voice.

* * *

Damon stood on the steps leading to the girl who could possibly be the one.

_Whoa there…_

Where had that thought come from?! He scolded himself.

_I thought you had sworn off all women…_ The voice in his head reminded him yet again.

It was just one date, what was the harm in that? Yes she was attractive, yes she seemed to have a good head on her shoulders, but she was ten years his junior, did he really want to deal with the drama that seemed to manifest itself in twenty-somethings?

The answer was simply; no he did not need the drama.

And yet, here he was, on the doorstep of a girl he barely knew, a few short days after the girl he had loved with all his heart had unceremoniously dumped him. For all his brains in the medical field, he sure turned out to be an idiot when it came to love.

He shook his head and pressed the doorbell listening to the faint chime tinkle from behind the door.

God he hoped this girl was different.

She had to be.

* * *

Elena heard the doorbell chime and her heart rate quickened until it was pounding painfully in her throat making it hard to breathe. What to do? Should she answer it and continue the charade that all was well in her life? Or should she ignore the door, take off the ridiculous dress she had on, throw her hair in a pony, and sit on the couch eating bonbons and watching re-runs?

Stefan had told her to live her life. Did she want her life to be re-runs and bonbons?

No.

She took a deep, calming breath, stood as the bell chimed again, slipped on her shoes, and headed for the door with a smile.

Upon opening the heavy wooden door the sight that greeted her nearly took away the air in her lungs. He was breath taking. His dark raven hair was medium in length but combed out of his eyes, which were a startling shade of iced blue. He wore a black leather jacket over a pair of black dress pants and a black, was it Armani? Tee shirt.

The smile that graced his luscious lips was the icing on the cake.

"Don't you look… dashing." She said, as she looked him over, noticing he was doing the same to her.

"Not nearly as amazing as you do." He replied as he took in the amber cocktail dress she had found in her closet. She couldn't remember what she had bought it for but there it was and she had never worn it before. Her hair hung straight down her back and the only jewelry she wore was n old locket with a ruby inlay. It looked as if she wore no make up, but he knew that wasn't so. There was a very miniscule tell tale sign that she wore some. But only just. To say the least she was flawless.

Damon helped her into her jacket and held the door for her, motioning for her to step through and into the chilled evening air.

"Where are we off to?" Elena asked her date as she took his proffered hand as he assisted her into his blue vintage Camaro.

"It's a surprise." He answered with a devilish grin.

Elena smiled. She loved surprises.

Damon walked himself around his car to the driver's side and slid effortlessly behind the wheel. He cranked over the engine, put it in drive, and headed out of town. Elena watched as the scenery around them turned from houses to trees to blurs as the car picked up speed.

After about an hour of driving, Damon pulled the car over and shut off the engine.

"We're here." He said with a smile.

"Where, exactly, is here?" Elena asked slightly nervous. She was in a strange place with, for all intents and purposes, a complete stranger.

Damon extended his hand.

"Come on I want to show you something."

Elena took his hand and followed as he took the lead. They walked for what seemed like forever over rocky terrain, with Damon having to carry her every so often. After only a few moments they broke through into a patch of moonlight that shone in a small clearing.

"Oh my God Damon this is beautiful!" Elena said as she took in the sight before her.

In the center of the clearing sat a blanket with a picnic basket, a bottle of wine in an ice bucket, and two wine glasses. Damon pulled her to the blanket and helped her sit. Situating himself as close as acceptably allowed, Damon opened the bottle of wine and poured out the appropriate amount into each of the glasses. Handing Elena her glass Damon proposed a toast.

"To new beginnings." He raised his glass in salute to her.

Elena smiled weakly and tipped her glass to him.

"To new… beginnings." Elena took a sip of the wine and found it light, crisp and surprisingly peachy.

"Damon this is wonderful!" She exclaimed while she gazed around the small clearing. It seemed as if nothing had touched it, as if time itself could not change it.

"I found it when I was a little kid. My brother and I would come here and play for hours." He explained taking another sip from his glass.

"You have a brother?" Elena asked curious.

"Yea. He lives here in Mystic Falls, part of the reason I'm back in this miserable little town." He said with a scowl.

"Oh? What's his name?" She prodded.

"Not anyone you would know."

"Come on tell me Damon." She said.

"His name is Stefan. Stefan Salvatore, Second son of Guiseppe Salvatore and Younger Brother to handsome and successful but rebellious Damon Salvatore." Damon spoke with a mock announcer voice.

Elena laughed slightly nervous. Oh God she was out on a date with her therapists BROTHER. How did this stuff always happen to her?

"But enough about Stuffy Steffy. Do you have any siblings?" He changed gears.

"I have one brother, his name is Jeremy Gilbert. He lives in Denver and is attending College there, majoring in Art."

Damon nodded.

The conversation flowed easily, the food was amazing and Damon was liberal with the wine. Elena was having a blast but one thought kept nagging at the edge of her brain.

_Oh God I'm dating my Therapists Brother!_

God help her.


	6. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5**

_**"The Truth"**_

Days turned into weeks. Weeks turned into months. Elena and Damon seemed to be inseparable. As time went on Elena felt as if this was how her life was supposed to be. Damon couldn't have been happier. His father and brother noticed the abrupt change and watched from afar, slightly suspicious yet happy that he finally seemed to be on the mend.

Things were, to put it simply, wonderful.

But things can change in the blink of an eye.

* * *

"Damon, what's going on with you? I haven't seen you this happy since before Katherine." Stefan cornered his older brother in the pantry.

"I don't know what you mean Stefan but get out of the way, I need my pops before I can be cross examined by you or Dad." He growled as he reached behind Stefan's head for the familiar yellow box that contained his little slice of morning heaven. Grabbing a bowl and spoon from the drawer and cabinet he sat down at the table and poured a mountain of cereal and added milk. He smiled as he took the first glorious bite.

"Ok, its safe now." He said with his mouth filled to capacity.

Stefan couldn't help but smile. He was glad his brother was happy but being the psychologist he was he had to delve into his brothers mind, if just a little bit.

"So, what's got you so jovial?" He asked, arms crossed, as he watched Damon cram more cereal into his mouth.

"Well, dear brother I seem to have found a girl who enjoys spending time in my company." Damon said with a quick smile between bites.

"What girl?" Stefan asked.

"A beautiful girl by the name of Elena Gilbert."

Stefan stood up straight.

"Damon you can't be serious." He said incredulously.

"Why not Stefan? Why can't I be happy too?" Damon demanded.

"Damon you have no idea what you are getting yourself into here. Elena is not the girl for you believe me I know." Stefan said trying not to rouse his brothers anger.

"And just how do you know this sir-knows-it-all?" Damon snarled.

"Damon, I can't tell you by law." Stefan evaded his question.

Damon grabbed him by his collar.

"How. Do. You. Know. Elena." He hissed through gritted teeth all signs of good humor lost.

"Damon, please, she's my patient." Stefan choked out gasping for air unsuccessfully.

Damon dropped him.

"What for?" he demanded.

Stefan rubbed his throat.

"Damon I really can't tell you that. Patient confidentiality. I could lose my job if I told you." He said a little raspy.

Damon closed his eyes. God he was with another nutcase.

Stefan stood and placed his hand on his brother's arm.

"I _can _tell you she's not a nutball, that she's a good person, but she's not the right one for you." He said gently, trying to soothe him.

Damon shrugged off Stefan's hand, grabbed his coat and headed for the door.

* * *

Elena sat in her room staring at the book she had been trying to read for the past hour, but hadn't been able to get past the first page.

Her head ached.

Rubbing her temple she set the book on her nightstand and headed for the bathroom. She felt sick to her stomach. As she reached the door she heard the doorbell chime.

_Oh great company_ she thought as she changed direction and headed for the stairs. Opening the door she came face to face with Damon. Smiling she held the door open and motioned for him to enter. She followed him into the family room and sat down on the couch.

"Hey what's up?" She asked.

Damon looked at her pale face and for the first time noticed the weight that she had lost.

"Elena what's going on?" He asked hedging the question he was dying to ask.

"What do you mean?" She countered confused.

"Why didn't you tell me Stefan was your therapist?" He demanded.

She looked completely taken aback by his outburst.

"Well Damon, I didn't think it was really any of your business."

"He's my brother Elena, it all makes sense now. The look on your face when I told you he was my brother, the late night phone calls he gets. It's you. You're in love with my brother." He finished miserably.

Elena's eyes softened. Standing up she walked until she stood in front of him.

"Oh Damon," She sighed, "Why did you have to be so wonderful?" She whispered as tears glistened in her beautiful brown doe eyes.

"Damon I'm not in love with Stefan. I am completely and irrevocably in love with you." She lightly touched his arm.

Damon stared at her.

"Elena I don't understand. What's wrong?"

Elena turned around and faced the couch. What was wrong with her? How could she do this to him? This wasn't fair to anyone.

"Damon, I have to tell you something. I haven't been fair to you. I shouldn't have let this go on so long, I shouldn't have even started this. But I just couldn't stop myself. I never meant to fall in love with you, but I did, and here we are." She said her voice thick with unshed tears.

"Elena please, I don't know what's going on! Please!" He begged.

Her tears began to fall.

"Damon, I'm… I'm sick."

Damon looked at her.

"You look like you have something but I don't care, what do you need? Chicken soup? A book? Someone to cuddle with while you watch lifetime and fall asleep? I can do that you know." He said as if trying to convince himself.

Elena laughed weakly.

"Oh Damon"

"Elena please what is it? It can't be so horrible that a little bit of Damon can't fix it." He said trying to lighten the mood.

He thought her eyes couldn't get any sadder. He was wrong.

"Damon, I'm not just sick. You can't fix me. Nothing can." She tried to explain through the waves of dizziness.

She closed her eyes her head was swimming.

"Damon I have cancer… I'm dying"

And then she fell.


End file.
